I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
being pregnant is like rehab
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
