my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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