I didn't shave. On purpose
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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