What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
