Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
