Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
