I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
