Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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