I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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