Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
