Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
