That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
