He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
