i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
