FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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