so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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