The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
