Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Houston, we have a blender
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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