Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
