Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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