why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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