It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
