I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
