i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed