I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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