i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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