oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
