Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
