I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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