He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
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I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
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I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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