The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dicks are not precious.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
