I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
