i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
