I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
