I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
