Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We're too hungover to prance.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
