Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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