he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
