well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize