I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
