Walk of Shame today included voting.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
How external is "for external use only"?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
