The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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