He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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