I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
