just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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