Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
