I want to make a zoo with you.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Boobs are out for the taking
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
