I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
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Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
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I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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