During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize