Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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