He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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