I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
