atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
