he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I deserve this hangover.
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