They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
