If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
