I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
