I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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