Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I will be naked everywhere
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
