i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
