There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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