Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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