So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
