Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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