Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize