im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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